we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
BRING THE BAGELS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
