The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
