i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
