you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
