Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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