OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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