Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
