I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
