I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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