the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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