Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
