Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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