I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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