I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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