Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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