are you still at the devil's house?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
