my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
