he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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