Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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