I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
