3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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