and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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