she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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