Is it because I queefed?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
