like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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