id be glad to
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
