I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
