South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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