I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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