About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You ruined the universe
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
