Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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