When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Every concussion has its silver lining
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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