Its about making memories worth repressing
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
