Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
