I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You took a bar mat shot.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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