This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
