I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
