the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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