She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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