P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Girls should come with a carfax report
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
