sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
