but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
