He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
