So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
