youre lurking in front of me
I want to have your abortion
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
