A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
