At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Houston, we have a squirter
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
