"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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