I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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