Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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