$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
