Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
