Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
