You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
